the importance of being crafty

Costuming the Crazies Craftage Challenge

2008-12-03T14:08:00.000-08:00

Super Ultra Craftage Challenge!

Last night, I came into the responsibility of costuming the prosecutors of the Tom Robinson trial from the novel To Kill a Mockingbird.

Because of my recent, long hiatus, I thought HAY! I OUGHTA BLOG ABOUT THIS because I check it almost every day in case someone has posted. For me. Alas. But anyways.

That will be the only mention of the awfully long hiatus, because I'm awfully embarrassed by that.

So. TKAM, as I will abbreviate it, is a lovely novel. It contains a trial about a black man raping a white-trash young woman. It is obvious that he didn't. However, my English teacher thought it would be a fantastic idea to recreate the trial. And make everyone go exactly by the book. So us prosecuters were stuck between a rock and a courtroom.

I was/am Mayella Ewell, the victim of the "rape". My best friend, happily (?), played Horace Gilmer, the prosecuting attorney. One of my other best friends, sadly (?) played Atticus Finch, the defending attorney.

As I said, I was stuck with costuming five people within the course of one evening:

Mayella Ewell
Horace Gilmer
A Cartographer (by the name of Meriwether Butler)
Sheriff Heck Tate
Bob Ewell

I needed quick, easy-to-change-into outfits for these five characters.

I rose to my challenge, not unlike Mulan. These helpful hints and tips should help you if you ever need to costume Mayella Ewell, Horace Gilmer, a cartographer named Meriwether, Sheriff Heck Tate, or Bob Ewell.

One: Heck Tate!
Heck Tate is the sheriff of Maycomb, Alabama, where our story takes place.

What do sheriffs wear? Hmm.

Stylish vest
Badge, of course
Hat
Belt with gun holster

The vest was easy. I could simply take my old vest from Banana Republic and force our sheriff to wear it. He was cool with it (after enough prodding and begging) and ended up wearing it around all day.

The hat was also easy. Any type of fedora will do, but if you have a police hat and can write Maycomb on it, that would be awesome as well.

The badge would be easy if I could find my Junior Rangers National Park Service badge. Alas, it is long lost (or in my dog's stomach). To make a badge, you will need:

A manilla folder (any color)
Scissors
Construction paper (preferrably yellow)
Sharpie marker or something similar
Glue of some sort
Tape (optional)
A safety pin or some sort of quick adhesive

1. Cut out the shape of a badge from a sheet of paper. The badge should be at least as large as a hotel room key, and no bigger than a Nintendo DS.

2. Glue it upon one side of the folder.

3. Cut that out in a badge like shape.

4. Write some sheriff-like message upon your badge. I wrote "TO PROTECT AND Sheriff Heck Tate, Maycomb Alabama SERVE". TO PROTECT AND was on the tippy top, SERVE was on the bottomy bottom.

5. Adhese the safety pin using tape or glue. I reccomend tape if you are not a Glue Goddess. I am not a Glue Goddess and therefore used tape. I did not use a safety pin because there were none handy. I used the clip from the tail of an old cat costume. If the vest is going to be a permanent Heck Tate vest, you can sew it on.

The utility belt was the biggest- but most rewarding- challenge.

You'll be needing...

A belt of any sort.
Two ankle socks.
Scissors.
Ribbon.

1. Take your socks and cut along the heel so you are left with a little sleeping-bag sort of shape.

2. This is the hardest part. Flatten out the sock and fold it.

3. Cut as small of a hole as you can along the fold.

4. Unfold- and voila! A sock holster!

5. Repeat process for as many socks as you would like.

6. Take a strand of ribbon as long as you can make it and string the socks through the holes in the belt. Haha! A lovely utility belt for Mr. Tate!

Twoo: Miss Mayella Ewell
Mayella Ewell was simple enough to create.

Alls you need is...

A spiffy hat.
Lots and lots of beads.
A spiffy belt.
A shirt and undershirt.
A fan (totally optional.)

There is no real crafting involved in this.

Mayella is comparable to what we consider "trailer trash" and she is gussied up for this occasion. Dress your Mayella in something simple, like jeans, on the bottom.

Take your overshirt and roll it up to your Mayella's bust. Take the spiffy belt and tie it where you have rolled up the shirt and boom! a lovely-trashy top.

Find a plain hat and snazz it up! Or take a pre-snazzed up hat. I made this one at an Earth Day Festival last year.

The beads can come from Mardi Gras Past or Mardi Gras Present or any sort of parade. Especially good beads are those fake pearls that come really long and you can absolutely tell right away that they aren't pearls. Mardi Gras Past is the best place to get your beads from, so they look all un-shiny and trashy.

The fan is good because it makes you look innocent and naive. It is also useful so that when your compadres put on their Southern accents, you won't get yelled at for laughing*.

*Meriwether Butler let out a girlish shriek when his friend- playing Bob Ewell- got up and said "yeb'm". The boy playing Bob Ewell is a respectable one and was very angry about his hat (see below.)

3. Bob Ewell
Bob Ewell, like his daughter, is trailer trash. He is an alcoholic and is just a grody man. So we made him a fancy hat.

To make you a Bob Ewell hat, gather from the woods/your home...

Construction paper (lots, and preferrably those large sheets)
Staples (lots!)
Some sort of lace (optional!)

1. Take your construction paper and cut a strip from the bottom that fits comfortably and a little snugly around your Bob Ewell's head. Do not use anyone but your Bob Ewell for this. Even if you can find someone with the same size head as he/she has, your Bob may have a weirdly shaped head or extra-puffy hair!

2. Staple the two ends together.

3. Place that on your construction paper. Draw a circle a little larger than the band and cut that out.

4. This is the most interesting part. Staple the circle to form the top of the hat. This hat is not intended to be beautiful. It is supposed to look like something a bear might have dragged in.

5. Staple on your frills/lace. BEWARE! This may make your Bob Ewell hat look more like a French maid hat. As you can see below, it was awfully difficult for the prosecution/jury to stop giggling when Mr. Ewell was called to the stand...

"Mais oui, Atticus."

Fore! Horace Gilmer.
To make a prosecutingly awesome Horace Gilmer outfit, all you need is love and a few other items.

A spiffy hat
A fancy tie
A lovely collared shirt

Gilmer has a simple look. But an awesome one!

The spiffy hat should not be the same one as Mayella's. Gilmer is an attorney by profession, he is a spick and span man.

All three of these things can be borrowed from anyone's father's/husband's/son's/pool boy's closet. The tie should be tied properly, and the shirt should be tucked into your pants. Look lovely... for a man.

And finally... creating a cartographer.

How do you create a daring cartographer from a schoolboy with no real skills in the mapmaking department? Well, you'll need...

A quill pen
A bow tie
Lovely glasses

If your cartographer does not wear glasses and you cannot find any that you can punch the lenses out of, follow the following methods to make your own spiffy glasses.

Collect

Black construction paper
Two bendy straws
Staples

1. Cut a figure eight out of your construction paper.

2. Fold one half of your eight in half. Cut out a half moon from this.

3. Repeat with the other side.

4. Optional: Cut your bendy straws down to a more reasonable length, but DO NOT CUT THE END PAST THE BENDY PART OR THE BENDY PART!

5. Staple one bendy straw on each end.

Now you have a smart pair of glasses!

I, as you can see, look ultra-spiff-tacular in these glasses. The iPhone, however, doesn't take pictures that show off enough of my ultra-spunk.

So. We lost our trial today, but if the verdict had been based on costuming we would have kicked some serious toosh.

This is Emma @ TIBC saying have a happay December, and I'll try with all my might to post more regularly.

...dog pictures?

2008-08-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

So, I should hope that everyone has seen our polls.

I would also love to know who voted for dog pictures. Alas, I don't, but I do think that dog pictures are so much easier to get than real crafts and recipes. So, since I haven't been posting as regularly, here are a couple dog pictures, and other pictures of crafts that I have done.

Bed dog

Dog with slinky

"Hmmm" dog.

Sunglasses dog

Pirate dog

So, that was your prize for today. Could you find the secret monkey and cat pictures?

Do you like pictures? Tell me, oh, please, tell me.

Should I splice more pictures of dogs into my blogging? Or should I just keep dog and blog separate?

ice cream wars!

2008-08-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

Part One: Teh Vocabulary.

Ice Cream Wars: Ice cream wars is an idea of mine. As you can tell by our poorly Painted logo, it's a pun on popular movie series Star Wars. {if you can't tell, one of my biggest talents is removing all humor from jokes. It comes with being a craftastic.} It's simply a comprehensive review of ice creams. And I super hope that it isn't quite as boring as it sounds.

Crème brûlée: Creme brulee (as we will spell it, as I do not own an international keyboard) is French for burnt cream. It is a dessert served in ramekins consisting of a thick, delicious cream base topped with burnt sugar. It is very delicious, and the best creme brulee I have ever had was at a resturant called Fire and Ice in the Springfield hotel called The Oasis. Fire and Ice, consider yourself ENDORSED.
John Lennon: A former member of popular band The Beatles, John Lennon is equally as famous for his music as he is for his peace activism. He wrote and recorded songs "Give Peace a Chance" and "Imagine".

Part 2: The Contenders
Ben and Jerry's produces an ice cream called Creme Brulee. It is "sweet custard ice cream with a carmelized sugar swirl" (thanks, Wikipedia!). I love it; it's like creme brulee without ramekins, which I do not own (once this blog gets off the ground and I start selling t-shirts at art fairs, the first thing I will buy will be a set of colorful ramekins.) The ice cream is sweet and great. Even my dog loves it. I like it because it's light and sweet.

B and J's also produces an ice cream called Imagine Whirled Peace. It is sweet cream ice cream with swirls of toffee and fudge peace signs. I like this one better than Phish Phood, my old favorite Ben and Jerry's (chocolate ice cream with swirls of marshmallows and nuts, I think, and fudge phish and, in the special Surf&Turf edition, fudge cows.) because, while it employs one of my phavorite aspects of Phish Phood, the fudge shapes, it doesn't overpower with chocolate.

Part 4: Fin.

So, this is where I say my adieus.

Did you like ICW, or was it too long? Feedback = appreciated. And also, ideas = SUPER APPRECIATED! Like, if there's something you want to see crafted/cooked, I'm totally prepped to do it. Because if I can't think of anything, this is what you get.

<3.

so, um, like, yeah;

2008-08-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

So, rather than a craft, I'm going to be running around and doing little site updates.
If you'll notice, the "crafty!" playlist is updated with Spice Girls and more song repeats ("Ces Soirees La", anyone?). Expect links to other amayzing sites that I use as funspiration, sanity-holder-in-placers, or simply procrastinating.

I suppose that sitely changes could be considered a craft... right?

pathetick.

2008-08-11T11:20:00.001-07:00

So today we're gonna make collar art. These are not only fantabulous gifts, but work as great headbands, necklaces, or bracelets.

You will need...

-Diet soda

-Glue
-Collars
-Stickers
-Fun markers
-Pompons

You can start small, just with one little sticker.

And a pompon...

Or two.

And some more stickers, then flip it over and...

Customize it even more, with your name, more stickers, or whatever you'd like.

And voila! You now have fantastick headband, choker, door marker (hang it on a doorknob to let your housemates know that THERE IS YOUR ROOM AND IT IS YOURS), or simple gift to give and regift!!

P.S. Shout-out to Monsieur Akira for reminding me that I ought to start crafting again. <3

how to properly wear a hat.

2008-07-17T15:16:00.000-07:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

An actual craft or recipie will show up soon. Promise.

making a mister mitchie drawing.

2008-07-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

Mister Mitchie is especially great for margin doodles and painting. I paint a lot of Mister Mitchie, although he usually has different names (such as Carlisle, Blue Boy, etc.)

1. Make a U.

2. Give him a fun little mouth. It can be a simple line...

3. Or a big happy smile! Give him a zigzag line for hair. Or for a Miss Mitchie, give your U a big poofy 'do, a Hairspray-esque big hair.

4. He needs eyes.

5. And I usually put him in a muumuu. You can do whatever you want for his outfit. And here we are!

freakacino

2008-07-16T14:19:00.001-07:00

When we were young, we all thought that the Starbucks caffine fixer was called a Freakacino. So here is a fantastic recipie to make your very own Freakacino.

You Will Need to Buy...
-Coffee (preferrably chilled)
-Ice
-A blender of some sort
Optional
-Milk
-Fun mix-ins! Simple syrups (Torani is my brand), chocolate syrup for mocha, ice cream, whatever
-Chantilly (whipped cream) for the top
-Sprankles

1. Gather your stuff.

2. Put ice in the blender. I use something called a Magic Bullet, one of those As Seen on TV things that actually is awesome.

3. Pour in the coffee. I like to always keep some coffee chilling in my refrigerator simply for this purpose. Pour in the milk, amount depending on how creamy you like it, unless you are using ice cream. Kids, what is ice cream made of? Exactly.

4. Add in your stuff. For this test, I used Sugar Free Hazelnut Torani Syrup and Lite Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. I always use the sugar free Torani and the lite Hershey's. It makes me feel healthy. But when that stuff is nowhere near, I use ice cream and don't use milk.

5. Blend that sucker up.

6. Test it. Fix it, blend again, if not perfect.

7. Spray on your chantilly/whipped cream and add the sprankles on top.

8. Slluuuurp. Isn't that better than a stupid Frappacino?

PICTURES. (in no order, really. Blogger picture posting sucks.)

My finished product. With pink sprankles.

Pre-chantillysprankles.

The barest of ingreedients.

Add-ins- Torani syrup, Hershey's syrup, 2% milk... who needs coffee?

Chantilly is better when it comes from a red bottle.

cinnamon rolls

2008-07-16T09:14:00.001-07:00

No, no.

This is Cinamoroll. A happy puppy.

But we are not going to talk about a happy puppy-bunny thing.

This morning, we will tackle our first "guessipie". I also can't spell the word "recipie".

My mom always keeps some bread dough in our fridge. I suggest that you do this, too. She uses the "Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes" recipie, which is sooooo easy.

So here is a recipie for bread dough from the New York Times, November 21, 2007 (apparently this leaves some leftovers, and I know for a fact you'll want more of these rolls.):

Time: About 45 minutes plus about 3 hours’ resting and rising

1 1/2 tablespoons yeast

1 1/2 tablespoons kosher salt

6 1/2 cups unbleached, all-purpose flour, more for dusting dough

Cornmeal.

1. In a large bowl or plastic container, mix yeast and salt into 3 cups lukewarm water (about 100 degrees). Stir in flour, mixing until there are no dry patches. Dough will be quite loose. Cover, but not with an airtight lid. Let dough rise at room temperature 2 hours (or up to 5 hours).

So here is where the guesswork starts. This is a really flexible recipie.

You will need:
An oven
A pan
Flour
Brown Sugar
A stick of butter
Cinnamon
Pecans (optional)

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

2. Lay out some flour. Roll out your dough on top of it into a square. If it's too sticky, pat in flour.

3. Get out your pan.

4. Then melt about 3/4 of your butter for about 30 seconds in the microwave.

5. Rub the extra quarter of the butter onto the dough.

6. Get your butter out of the microwave and set it on the counter.

7. Put a generous amount of brown sugar in the dough.

8. Rub in some cinnamon and add your pecans if you feel like it.

9. Set that aside for a second. Put more brown sugar into the bottom of your pan.

10. Pour the melted butter into it.

11. Add some cinnamon, if you're into it.

12. Roll up your dough.

13. Cut it in half. Work in halfs when you cut it, and make sure you have an even number. When I do it, I make eight rolls, no matter how much dough I have. If you only have eight, not only is it a great way to portion control, but you can invite seven friends over for a kick breakfast they will love, especially if the rolls are huge.

14. Put in the pan. Put the rolls with the least stuff in the best, butteriest parts of the pan.

15. Bake for a half an hour.

16. Enjoy!
-
Serve with coffee au lait, moccaciatos, grapefruit juice, or Diet Coke.

Reheating: put them in the microwave with a little bit of butter. Yummmooooo.

Sit on a pillow and eat them, why dontcha.

t-shirt pillows.

2008-07-16T08:44:00.000-07:00

The other day I was cleaning my room, and stumbled upon several shirts that were much too small for my hot bod. (Just kidding.) (Sort of.)

I recalled one of those "Redo Your Room" books. The author suggested turning old shirts into pillows. Hum, I thought. That might just be a good idea. I took the shirts and approached my mother.

She thought it was a good idea.

So this is how to do it.

1. Find your shirts. I used three Natalie Dee shirts that have since been retired (top row: l-r- Ping! Time to shut up., Cupcake + Multivitamin Super Breakfast!, Save Chester (a cookie).) (bottom row: l-r- Loch Ness Monster Adventure Club: Finding Answers, Ignoring Facts, (werewolf vs. unicorn) It's on now!, Schrute Farms Beets.)

2. Eat a nutrient-packed snack.3. Acquire some fiberfill- amount depending on how many pillows you have. I made seven with a 5-lb box of fiberfill and had leftovers. But remember, like it says on the premuim poly-fill box: projects always take more than expected. So get a lot.

4. Turn the shirt inside out. Turn on your sewing machine and sew both sleeves shut.

5. Cut out the collar around the neck. Sew that shut.

6. Sew the bottom shut- but leave enough room for your hand and stuffing.

7. Turn the shirt inside out. (How awesome is that?!)

8. Stuff it. Remember: the more you love it, the flatter it'll get. So use a lot of stuffing!

9. Stitch up the bottom however you do that. I zipped it shut using the sewing machine. It looks okay, and it's easier than hand sewing. Stheriouthly.

10. Wa-pow! You have your fancy pillow! Make more if you feel like it.

11. Set them out in a lovely fashion in your living room. The compliments will come rolling in.

....yes.

Time for a nap?

Edit: Use the collars as a stylish necklace for yourself, or as a chew toy for your dog. Or even use them in a later project, like a decoupage collage. Haha. Rhymee.

well, HELLO!

2008-07-16T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hi there.

I'm Emma.

I've never been good at crafts.

Never.

Exhibit A: Googly eyes glued onto an artichoke flower.
This is the extense of my crafting ability. Seriously.

I don't do crafts. I can't glue a googly eye on an artichoke by myself- they have to be pre-adhesed. I put those on everything, though. I like to think of myself as a young Amy Sedaris prodigy.

I can, however, cook well. Here, in addition to sharing my crafts with you, I will share my favorite recipies that time has tested and tried with good reviews and no salmonella.

So. This is my journey of going from an essay-writing humorist girl to a Junior Housewife Who Can Actually Sew and Cook And Glue And Cut (And Write Humorous Essays).

You in?