how to properly wear a hat.

see more pwn and owned pictures

An actual craft or recipie will show up soon. Promise.

making a mister mitchie drawing.

Mister Mitchie is especially great for margin doodles and painting. I paint a lot of Mister Mitchie, although he usually has different names (such as Carlisle, Blue Boy, etc.)

1. Make a U.


2. Give him a fun little mouth. It can be a simple line...

3. Or a big happy smile! Give him a zigzag line for hair. Or for a Miss Mitchie, give your U a big poofy 'do, a Hairspray-esque big hair.

4. He needs eyes.

5. And I usually put him in a muumuu. You can do whatever you want for his outfit. And here we are!

freakacino

When we were young, we all thought that the Starbucks caffine fixer was called a Freakacino. So here is a fantastic recipie to make your very own Freakacino.

You Will Need to Buy...
-Coffee (preferrably chilled)
-Ice
-A blender of some sort
Optional
-Milk
-Fun mix-ins! Simple syrups (Torani is my brand), chocolate syrup for mocha, ice cream, whatever
-Chantilly (whipped cream) for the top
-Sprankles

1. Gather your stuff.

2. Put ice in the blender. I use something called a Magic Bullet, one of those As Seen on TV things that actually is awesome.

3. Pour in the coffee. I like to always keep some coffee chilling in my refrigerator simply for this purpose. Pour in the milk, amount depending on how creamy you like it, unless you are using ice cream. Kids, what is ice cream made of? Exactly.

4. Add in your stuff. For this test, I used Sugar Free Hazelnut Torani Syrup and Lite Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. I always use the sugar free Torani and the lite Hershey's. It makes me feel healthy. But when that stuff is nowhere near, I use ice cream and don't use milk.

5. Blend that sucker up.

6. Test it. Fix it, blend again, if not perfect.

7. Spray on your chantilly/whipped cream and add the sprankles on top.

8. Slluuuurp. Isn't that better than a stupid Frappacino?

PICTURES. (in no order, really. Blogger picture posting sucks.)

My finished product. With pink sprankles.

Pre-chantillysprankles.

The barest of ingreedients.

Add-ins- Torani syrup, Hershey's syrup, 2% milk... who needs coffee?

Chantilly is better when it comes from a red bottle.

cinnamon rolls

No, no.

This is Cinamoroll. A happy puppy.

But we are not going to talk about a happy puppy-bunny thing.

This morning, we will tackle our first "guessipie". I also can't spell the word "recipie".

My mom always keeps some bread dough in our fridge. I suggest that you do this, too. She uses the "Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes" recipie, which is sooooo easy.

So here is a recipie for bread dough from the New York Times, November 21, 2007 (apparently this leaves some leftovers, and I know for a fact you'll want more of these rolls.):

Time: About 45 minutes plus about 3 hours’ resting and rising

1 1/2 tablespoons yeast

1 1/2 tablespoons kosher salt

6 1/2 cups unbleached, all-purpose flour, more for dusting dough

Cornmeal.

1. In a large bowl or plastic container, mix yeast and salt into 3 cups lukewarm water (about 100 degrees). Stir in flour, mixing until there are no dry patches. Dough will be quite loose. Cover, but not with an airtight lid. Let dough rise at room temperature 2 hours (or up to 5 hours).

-

So here is where the guesswork starts. This is a really flexible recipie.

You will need:
An oven
A pan
Flour
Brown Sugar
A stick of butter
Cinnamon
Pecans (optional)

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

2. Lay out some flour. Roll out your dough on top of it into a square. If it's too sticky, pat in flour.

3. Get out your pan.

4. Then melt about 3/4 of your butter for about 30 seconds in the microwave.

5. Rub the extra quarter of the butter onto the dough.

6. Get your butter out of the microwave and set it on the counter.

7. Put a generous amount of brown sugar in the dough.

8. Rub in some cinnamon and add your pecans if you feel like it.

9. Set that aside for a second. Put more brown sugar into the bottom of your pan.

10. Pour the melted butter into it.

11. Add some cinnamon, if you're into it.

12. Roll up your dough.

13. Cut it in half. Work in halfs when you cut it, and make sure you have an even number. When I do it, I make eight rolls, no matter how much dough I have. If you only have eight, not only is it a great way to portion control, but you can invite seven friends over for a kick breakfast they will love, especially if the rolls are huge.

14. Put in the pan. Put the rolls with the least stuff in the best, butteriest parts of the pan.

15. Bake for a half an hour.

16. Enjoy!
-
Serve with coffee au lait, moccaciatos, grapefruit juice, or Diet Coke.

Reheating: put them in the microwave with a little bit of butter. Yummmooooo.

Sit on a pillow and eat them, why dontcha.

t-shirt pillows.

The other day I was cleaning my room, and stumbled upon several shirts that were much too small for my hot bod. (Just kidding.) (Sort of.)

I recalled one of those "Redo Your Room" books. The author suggested turning old shirts into pillows. Hum, I thought. That might just be a good idea. I took the shirts and approached my mother.

She thought it was a good idea.

So this is how to do it.

1. Find your shirts. I used three Natalie Dee shirts that have since been retired (top row: l-r- Ping! Time to shut up., Cupcake + Multivitamin Super Breakfast!, Save Chester (a cookie).) (bottom row: l-r- Loch Ness Monster Adventure Club: Finding Answers, Ignoring Facts, (werewolf vs. unicorn) It's on now!, Schrute Farms Beets.)

2. Eat a nutrient-packed snack.3. Acquire some fiberfill- amount depending on how many pillows you have. I made seven with a 5-lb box of fiberfill and had leftovers. But remember, like it says on the premuim poly-fill box: projects always take more than expected. So get a lot.

4. Turn the shirt inside out. Turn on your sewing machine and sew both sleeves shut.

5. Cut out the collar around the neck. Sew that shut.

6. Sew the bottom shut- but leave enough room for your hand and stuffing.

7. Turn the shirt inside out. (How awesome is that?!)

8. Stuff it. Remember: the more you love it, the flatter it'll get. So use a lot of stuffing!

9. Stitch up the bottom however you do that. I zipped it shut using the sewing machine. It looks okay, and it's easier than hand sewing. Stheriouthly.

10. Wa-pow! You have your fancy pillow! Make more if you feel like it.

11. Set them out in a lovely fashion in your living room. The compliments will come rolling in.






....yes.

Time for a nap?

Edit: Use the collars as a stylish necklace for yourself, or as a chew toy for your dog. Or even use them in a later project, like a decoupage collage. Haha. Rhymee.

well, HELLO!

Hi there.

I'm Emma.

I've never been good at crafts.

Never.

Exhibit A: Googly eyes glued onto an artichoke flower.
This is the extense of my crafting ability. Seriously.

I don't do crafts. I can't glue a googly eye on an artichoke by myself- they have to be pre-adhesed. I put those on everything, though. I like to think of myself as a young Amy Sedaris prodigy.

I can, however, cook well. Here, in addition to sharing my crafts with you, I will share my favorite recipies that time has tested and tried with good reviews and no salmonella.

So. This is my journey of going from an essay-writing humorist girl to a Junior Housewife Who Can Actually Sew and Cook And Glue And Cut (And Write Humorous Essays).

You in?